In my email today...

I found this little gem.

The Mayonnaise  Jar



When  things in your life seem almost too much to handle,

When 24  hours in a day is not enough;

remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.



A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of
him.



When the class began, wordlessly,he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise
jar and start to fill it with golf balls.



He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.



The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and  poured

it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked
the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.



The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded With an
unanimous  'yes.'



The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the
 table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively

filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.



'Now,' said the  professor, as the laughter subsided,

'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.



The golf balls are the important things - God,  family,

children, health, friends, and favorite passions  

Things  that if everything else was lost

and  only they remained, your life would still be full.



The pebbles are the things that matter like your job,house,and car.



The sand is everything else -- The
small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar
first,' he continued,'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.



If you spend all your time and energy  on the small stuff, You will never
have room for the things that are important to you.



So...



Pay attention to the things that are
critical to your happiness.

Play with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups.

Take your partner out to dinner.



There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.



'Take care of the golf balls first -- The
things that really  matter.

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'



One of the students raised her hand and
inquired what the coffee represented.



The  professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.



It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,

there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

God Bless the Internet!

Oh my word! I cannot believe how the internet saved my butt tonight!

If you follow my tweets you probably read that we bought a new dining room set last week. It was delivered last Tuesday.

Tonight we had a delish dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, & artichokes. Yum. But, I digress. Dinner was server on paper plates because my dishwasher was full and had not been run this morning (boo!).

Guess what?

Paper plates + hot food = big huge ugly white heat stains on wood!

How did I not know this?

Lucky for us though, whenever we don't know how to do something or what to do about something we Google it! And tonight, Google had the answer!

If you ever find yourself in such a situation...here is what to do. 

And, believe me, it really works :)

Parenting is SO not easy...

*Sigh*

It's sad to start a blog post with a *sigh* but that is how I feel lately. My husband and I are just not seeing eye to eye on son #3 and it is wearing on me. 

I am #3's step-mom and while I do not like to really use the term "step" I think it is appropriate in this instance. His mom is, for all intents and purposes, pretty much out of the picture so I do the mothering for him. However, he does still biologically and legally have both a mother and a father therefore I do not feel that it is my place to do any serious disciplining or punishing. I feel that I am limited to correcting inappropriate behaviors and taking away small privileges, etc. but that is about the extent. I may be wrong in my beliefs but, it is what it is.

#3 is (IMHO) very hyperactive, to the point that I feel he would benefit from medication. He also has very poor impulse control and somewhat lacking social skills (for a 2nd grader). I am also questioning whether he might have some sort of language processing difficulties, as he often stares blankly when spoken to and has extreme difficulty with reading. He does ok in school academically but not behaviorally. His teacher often sends home notes that "he was asked repeatedly to stop xxxxx and did not" or "he was unable to stay focused on and finish his work today". However, because his grades are ok the school will not intervene.

I have repeatedly tried to convince my husband that we need professional help for #3. I won't say that he doesn't agree but I will say that he is reluctant. His reluctance along with the fact that our medical insurance will not cover any testing or treatment though, pretty much makes him against it. I know we could do all this privately & I have with my 2 (biological) children but I did / do it with financial help from my parents. It is unbelievably expensive & we simply don't have an extra $25K while raising 4 kids. He has agreed to doing family counseling to work on "blending" our family and to individual counseling for #3. However, he does not believe that counseling will accomplish anything.

#3 is an interesting child and I have ZERO experience with this type of personality...punishments & consequences DO NOT BOTHER this child! You can take away his DS, Computer, TV for a week and he just shrugs it off. Send him to his room and he just sits on his bed playing with his pillow. Take away dessert and he says OK and goes off to take a shower. Send him to bed early and he lays down and goes to sleep. We cannot find a punishment / consequence that really gets through to this child...with one exception, spanking.

I do not like spanking. I do not feel like it teaches a child anything constructive in terms of how to change or correct a negative behavior. Have I spanked...yes, a few times. However, for me I realize that the few times I have spanked my (biological) children it was more out of frustration than to teach a lesson. So, I do not do it anymore and I won't do it to my step children. My husband is more "old school" though and believes that a spanking is an appropriate punishment for some behaviors. We have agreed to disagree on this parenting issue and I am ok with that. Where I have the problem though is that since I don't & won't spank #3 and other consequences I can & will enforce have ZERO effect on #3, I am left with absolutely no way to handle this child when his father is not around. It wouldn't be such an issue except that I am home in the afternoon with the children until he gets home from work and there are lots of issues that come up that need some type of consequence.

I don't know what to do anymore. It is exhausting for me and I do not enjoy being around this child. That makes me irritable towards him and everyone else, the other 3 kids & my husband when he gets home. I know not to take this out on them but that is also hard. I am tired. I have been correcting, re-directing, and disciplining for 3-4 hours straight with this kid in addition to homework and regular mom stuff with the other 3 kids. Once he gets home from work I have to make dinner, clean up after dinner, do laundry, get the kids moving on bath and bed, etc. Of course, my husband does help with this stuff...he is very good about sharing home responsibilities so I am not complaining about that at all. But it is still work on top of work on top of {job} work, etc. It is causing arguments between my husband and I. I worry that it is putting a strain on our marriage and that scares me. I feel bad because #3 is not getting a fair chance to shine due to things out of his control but I don't know how to fix that on my own. I know we need professional help on this one but I don't know how we can afford to do it.

I feel a bit like a failure as a parent.

Spring Break

It's spring break for the kiddos this week and they (my 4 kids) are at the beach with their Grandparents!

So, really, that makes it spring break for Mom & Dad too!

A few things that I have noticed this week...

• While the majority of time my kids drive me bat shit crazy with fighting & whining, I truly do not know what to do with my time or myself when they are not here.


• I no longer know how to prepare a meal for 2 therefore we have been forced to eat out a lot.


• I still don't ever mind eating out.


• I miss those little punks like crazy.


• When I am not bat shit crazed from all of the fighting & whining I am actually able to be creative. That is a really nice thing to realize, by the way.


• Mornings are amazingly calm when it is just me that I have to worry about.


• I miss those little punks like crazy.


• I still know how to sleep until noon on the weekend.


• My hubby & I will be the empty nester's eating dinner at 4:30 pm because we don't like to go home from work & then leave again later for dinner. Wait, that is assuming that I never regain my ability to prepare a meal for just 2.


• I miss those little punks like crazy and I can't wait for Saturday evening when they come home!

I have been doing some creative stuff this week and will share pics in the next couple of days. I tried taking photos with my iphone but they just don't turn out as well so I am going to take better photos to post.

So, what have you and your family been doing for Spring Break?

Down the rabbit hole...

I feel a little bit like I have fallen down the rabbit hole
and cannot find my way out.

2 weeks ago my whole world was really smacked in the face with
a rude awakening.

I received a call from school that my 9 yr old son was being
suspended for 2 days because he had put his hands on a teacher in anger.

He has had behavior problems since he was a toddler but
recently they have really been escalating. He is seeing doctors, therapists,
psychologists, everyone and anyone I can think of to possibly help.

Between the time I received the call about his suspension
and I got to the school to pick him up he had threatened to kill himself to the
Asst. Principal.

Now, as schools must do, they had to assess this threat to
determine how serious it was.

He was serious. He had a detailed plan.

This assessment led us to the ER.

The ER led to a mental health assessment.

The mental health assessment led us to hospitalization.
Hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. For my 9 year old.

Let me tell you, hearing that your 9 year old child has
thoughts and plans to end their life is terrifying on its own. But having to
LEAVE your child alone in a psychiatric hospital for several days is about 4
steps beyond terrifying.

It was, without a doubt, the WORST 72 hours of my life.

I was not allowed to see him. I could only speak to him on
the phone once per day for 15 minutes.

I felt totally helpless over my child.

We got a diagnosis for the Psychiatrist while he was at the
hospital, Bi-Polar Disorder.

My initial reaction to this diagnosis was relief and a sense
of “that’s not so bad”. Medication and therapy and he will be just fine, right.

Then I researched Pediatric Bi-Polar Disorder.

Common
outcomes of pediatric bipolar disorder are school refusal, suspension, and
dropping-out; impulsive acts of aggression; self-injury; substance abuse; and
suicide attempts and completions. Teens with symptoms of untreated bipolar
disorder are arrested and incarcerated. Suicide is the third leading cause of
death among teens. Relapses are common even with the best treatment; in
fact, relapse is a hallmark of bipolar disorder. Even with treatment by
professionals, children may need hospitalization or residential treatment. Bipolar
disorder and the medications used to treat it often have a significant impact
on a child's education. Bipolar disorder can affect a child's school
attendance, alertness and concentration, sensitivity to light, noise and
stress, motivation, and energy available for learning. Transitions to new
teachers and new schools, return to school from vacations and absences, and
changing to new medications commonly increase symptoms.

                                                                                    {Reprinted
from bpkids.org}

 

I am scared. Scared for the challenges that face
my son. Scared that he will not get all of the help that he needs and will feel
he needs to do something drastic. Scared that his disorder will cause him to do
things he should not do and that he will have to learn lessons the hard way.
Scared that his life will be marred with difficulties and hardships. Scared
that I will lose him.

The Menu.

With our schedule lately I have started planning our meals weekly and I do my shopping based on that. It really seems to make things easier.

Here is our menu for this week.

Sunday: Chicken & Dumplings

Monday: Roasted Chicken (crockpot), Mashed Potatoes, Veggie

Tuesday: Homemade Pizza

Wednesday: Ribs (crockpot), Roasted Potatoes, Green Beans

Thursday: Sloppy Joes & Tater Tots

Friday: Steak, Mac & Cheese, Veggie

Tuesday: Homemade Pizza

Wednesday: Ribs (crockpot), Roasted Potatoes, Green Beans

Thursday: Sloppy Joes & Tater Tots

Friday: Steak, Mac & Cheese, Veggie

I am blogging this from the road on our way to IKEA. I love my iPhone.

a note to my son.

My oldest is almost 11.

He is getting to that
age where he doesn't need me as much as he used to need me. It has been
bothering me more that I ever thought that it would.

I remember so many times
when I was tired or frustrated and had to do "one more thing" for him
and I would think to myself "I can't wait until he is older and doesn't
need me as much".

Boy, do I regret that
now.

I am sitting at my desk
right now looking at a couple of pics of my boys together when they were
younger and it is making me cry. I miss them needing me!

Anyhow, lots of thoughts
have been running through my head lately and I am trying to get them planted in
black and white forever.

This is an email that I
sent to my oldest today...

Hey T.

I was thinking last night about that time that you had a tick on
your leg. Remember that? You were really, really scared and freaked out about
it. I handled it really badly with you. I remember that I yelled at you. I feel
really, really bad about that honey, I am so sorry that I treated you so bad.

I don't always know how to be a mom the best way. I always try to
be a mom the best way, but, I know that I make mistakes a lot. Please know that
I am trying my best & learning how to do this daily as we go through life
together. I never, ever, ever want or try to be mean or unfair to you, it's
just that sometimes I don't know the right thing to do. 

Unfortunately, as parents, we don't get any lessons on how to do
this right and sometimes our kids have to put up with our mistakes.

I hope that you really, truly know in your heart how much I love
you and how amazingly proud I am of you.

<3 Mom

 Sorry for being melodramatic today, just feeling
a bit lost.

 

One little word & Happy New Year

I finally decided on my word for 2010...

it is "do".

Such a simple word, but it has a huge impact to me.

• I need to "do" more creative stuff. 


• I need to "do" some things to get myself healthier.


• I need to "do" more to make my blended family jive.


• I need to "do" more photography practice.


• I need to "do" more to enjoy (or at least accept) my job choice.


• I need to "do" more to show my children patience & virtue & other good qualities.

Lots of things that I always think about "do"-ing but never seem to get to them...hoping to make 2010 the year.

To all of my blog readers, thank you so much for spending your time here, reading the stuff that I ramble about! I appreciate it so much, more than I am capable of expressing in words! I hope you will continue to come back in 2010, I promise to continue on my ramblings.

Have a safe and fun New Years Eve and a happy and healthy 2010!

This made me cry.

J. was/is really sick, he will be going to the doctor today...hoping it is not H1N1.

Saturday afternoon I was snuggling on the couch with J.

T. was up doing something in the family room / kitchen area.

I asked him (T.) if he would mind filling up J.'s glass with more O.J. 

He said sure and filled it up. I said "thanks, dude".

J. looked up and said "Thanks, T." and T. said "Sure, J."

Then...J. said "I love you T." to which T. replied "I love you, too, J."

Then T. came over and gave J. a hug. 

They hugged each other!

They told each other they loved each other!

I haven't seen behavior like this since they were under 5 years old!

It made me happy.

It made me cry.

They were confused, but I told them I was crying because they made me happy.

It was a good day.

On my Christmas list...

Keep Calm And Carry on Poster

Turquoise Blue by sfgirlbybay

via www.etsy.com

Randomness.

My sweet friend Carrie gave me a blog award! I have never had a blog award so I am totally stoked! Thanks Carrie!

I am supposed to list 5 random facts about me. This was really tough to come up with but hopefully you will find them interesting or at least somewhat amusing LOL! 

1. When I was 27 I left the fortune 50 company I had been working for since college to move across the country to San Francisco and start a completely new career in consulting. I told myself that if it didn't work out I would just live in the city, work at a coffee house, and be a starving artist. For a degreed accountant this was a BOLD move!


2. If I could start my adulthood over I would go to college to study Marine Biology and work with dolphins, preferably training them for Sea World.


3. In high school I actually went out on a date dressed like Madonna from Desperately Seeking Susan, layered tank tops, mini skirt, bows in my hair, and heels with ruffled socks. My parents STILL tell the story at every family gathering and laugh about it hysterically.


4. My first son was born 9 months and 2 days after my wedding. I had some explaining to do on that one...it was Maui!


5. When I was 2 our family took a Griswold Family vacation from Michigan to California in a wood paneled station wagon. It was my parents, my 18 yr old sister, 16 yr old brother, and my Grandmother. On the entire trip I pretended I was Cinderella. My Dad was Prince Charming and my Grandmother was the Evil Step-Mother (she was not amused). I ate nothing but Shrimp Cocktail and Chocolate Milk. I have no memory of the trip EXCEPT for seeing the ocean while driving the Pacific Coast Highway. I think that is what always fueled my passion to move to California. When I moved there and would drive the PCH I always had a feeling of coming home. Weird, huh?

And in turn I need to nominate 5 people as well! Problem is, most of my good friends and regualr readers have already been nominated LOL!. So, instead I am going to nominate anyone that leaves me a comment :) 

Go ahead, leave me a comment, I dare ya!

 

Monday.

On this Monday...

it is chilly (47 degrees) and drizzly.

the children are out of school for Thanksgiving holidays.

i am listening to i heart radio app on my iphone.

work is really going to be slow this week.

T. has an appointment with Dr. W. to check on his meds.

J. is still having issues with anger, depression, and hurting himself; will be talking to Dr. W. about that today as well.

C. & A. are with us. A. is super excited about her new school, C. is not too sure.

pleased to see this blog post from our wonderful pediatrician Dr. R.

i am thankful for the wonderful doctors in my children's lives, to have my family together, and looking forward to the holidays with everyone.

have a great Monday!

World Blog Hop!

Welcome to the World Blog Hop put together by students from Shimelle's Blogging for Scrapbookers class! Thank you so much for taking the time to visit my blog. Please leave a comment and let me know where you are from and a link back to your blog if you have one!

We wanted to put together this blog hop to share some amazing blogs from all around the world and to show everyone a small glimpse outside of our window right now...

This picture is the last little bit of fall left here in Atlanta, GA. Most of the leaves are off of the trees. I caught the sun shining directly on the tree and the leaves lit up like gold! What an amazing shot!

From here please continue on your journey to "blog around the world" by visiting April's blog. April is currently taking Ali Edwards' Yesterday and Today class and has some lovely thoughts on family memories and photos!

Enjoy your trip!

Starbucks Red Holiday To-Go Mug at StarbucksStore.com

via www.starbucksstore.com

I saw this on Heather Melzer's blog this morning and had to go order it!

Thanks Heather,you are such a great enabler :)

The Exercise Ball.

Events like the following really make me question the sanity of people.

Our son C. is a VERY active 8 year old. I would even venture to call him hyperactive. He is constantly in trouble at school for fidgeting, touching, disrupting, etc. 

We (hubby & I) had a conference with his teacher a few weeks ago and discussed what is going on at school. He is a stellar student academically but his behavior is hindering his progress. We discussed some interventions we could try at school.

Last Friday his teacher got an exercise ball for him to sit on. This is a proven therapeutic technique for ADHD kids. It is used to satisfy their need to move around because they HAVE to move on the ball to stay balanced.

All day Friday he did well with the exercise ball. His behavior was very calm and quiet. Monday started out the same until the teacher had to step out of the room for 2 minutes. During these 2 minutes C. decided it would be fun to stab his pencil into the exercise ball.

The exercise ball popped.

The teacher emailed me yesterday about the situation and advised me that we would need to pay for the exercise ball. This seemed reasonable to us...our child maliciously damaged school property, right?

Last night hubby's ex-wife called him...she was MAD! The kids are with her this week so she received the note about paying for the exercise ball. Hubby and the ex discussed the situation, what happened, why, and what could be done to control his behavior. The results of THAT conversation though need to be devoted to their own blog post.

Anyhow, apparently their discussion did not calm her anger over having to pay for the exercise ball so she decided to send a note to the teacher relaying her feelings.

The note went something like this:

Ms. S.,

You are stupid. The whole damn school system is stupid. It was a stupid idea to have C. sit on an exercise ball. You should have called me for permission first. I would have told you "NO, that is a stupid idea". As far as the money goes, GOOD LUCK!

M.

Can you believe that?

Who calls their child's teacher stupid? Or, the entire school system? 

I am continually astounded at the childishness of this woman.

Fun Family Friday.

Most Friday nights we try to do something "fun" together as a family whether it be out to dinner and a movie or delivery pizza and a rental.

Tonight's fun though seems to be all about shopping for MOM! Yay me!

To bribe the kids we are starting out at Cici's Pizza. Definitely not a gourmet meal but the kids love it, they eat until they are stuffed, they can play games, and it costs under $30 for a family of 6! Can't beat that with a baseball bat!

From there we are off to Best Buy to get me some electronical goodness! Yes, I am a total geek!

I currently have 3 small external hard drives with photos, digi scrap stuff and whatever scattered all over the place. Tonight I will be the proud owner of this baby and all of my digital goodness with be organized and easily accessible. Can you say WOOT!

Since taking Karen Russell's "The Photographer's Workshop" my compact flash card has been giving me trouble - little brat! So tonight I am going to show it who's boss and replace it with one of these lovelies! Maybe I will even get 2. Oh yeah!.

The next stop is Barnes and Noble. They are currently holding just for me, a brand new copy of this! I can't wait to read it's deliciousness! <------ Did you notice that play on words? 

That should about wrap up both the available funds and kids patience so the next stop will be home. I know it isn't the most glamorous or exciting stuff in the world but it is for me and that is a rare thing LOL!

Have a great Friday!!

a dream.

Last night I dreamt that I was leaving {the next day} for a trip somewhere exotic. In my dream I was doing last minute stuff for the trip and was then going to pack. When I got to the packing part of my dream I decided to try on the new clothes I had bought specifically for the trip. To my horror none of the clothes fit me AT ALL. They were so tight I couldn't even pull shorts all the way up my legs. 

I was mortified in my dream.

From there I proceeded to head to any store that I could find to try to buy new clothes but every store was out of summer clothes, of course, because it is November. 

As I was driving from store to store in my dream I started to notice that it was getting harder and harder to drive the car because I was getting bigger and bigger in my dream. I began to have difficulty turning the steering wheel because my arms were so big. I couldn't move my foot from the gas to the brake because my legs were so big. Finally it just became difficult to get into or out of the car because all of me was so huge.

I have struggled with my weight all of my life. At times I can accept that my body is what it is and at times I can't. Right now I am really struggling with my body image and self-esteem. I realize that I need to do something about the situation but for some reason I don't have the motivation to actually do it.

I need to find the motivation.

secret message of the day

secret message of the day
Originally uploaded by keri

Today is the start of Shimelle's Blogging for Scrapbookers class. 

I have been thinking seriously about blogging for months now. Not so much to do with scrapbooking proper, but more to do with recording my thoughts, feelings, ideas, and life. The daily life stuff. The stuff that is so quickly and easily forgotten but if remembered becomes the cherished stuff.

I am going to go easy on myself with this blogging endeavor. I have a tendency to want to do things {perfectly} according to that picture of perfection that lives in my head. I am slowly realizing that my picture and my reality don't always mesh and I am too hard on myself when I don't meet the {perfection} expectation. That tends to lead to failure and self-doubt, both things that I am working hard to accept and overcome.

So, perfect is NOT my goal with this blog.

My goal is to do it when I do it. No rules, no expectations, no opportunity for failure.

And, I just dig this motto "You really can do whatever you want."

Here's to blogging...

He just won't go away...

I have been divorced now for a
little over 6 years.

I have not seen my ex in almost 6
years.

He has not seen his boys in almost 6
years.

He has not spoken to his boys in
over 5 years.

His parental rights were terminated
about 4 years ago.

6 months ago he called me, wanted to
know about the boys & to tell me he had another son.

           
I told him to go to hell.

I know to a lot of people this might
sound terrible but, the bottom line is he walked out on his children, of his
own volition, and because of that he does not get to know about them anymore.

           
He made his bed…

In the years since the divorce, the
abandonment, the termination, and the hurt, my boys have finally begun to heal.
I have finally begun to let go of some of my anger and resentment at this man
who helped create these amazing people and then walked away from them. We have
moved on and are in a “good” place in all of our lives now.

2 weeks ago the mother of his new
son sent me a message through Facebook.

Now my wounds are opened up again.
We have had brief message correspondence through Facebook and I have learned
things I don’t want to know.

• He drove
  halfway across the country, with a stolen gun, to come shoot me after the
  termination was finalized.


• He lied to many me during our marriage.


• He has
  committed and been convicted of domestic violence crimes.

She wants my help to keep him away
from their son. She wants to know if he was abusive to me or the children. She
wants to know of other marriages and children.

I have info that I can share with
her. It may help her out. But I don’t know if I want to be involved. I don’t
know if I should be involved.

It might be better to close the door
and lock it really tight.

But then I think of her little boy.
I don’t know him, but I know mine. I remember that I would have done whatever
it took to make sure that he could hurt them.

I would hate to know that he was
able to hurt another innocent child.

Happy Halloween!!

Have a SAFE & SWEET Halloween!

image courtesy of pascal79 at StockExchange.com