Mother's Day 2010

I didn't take any photos today - boo! I should have taken at least 1 shot and me and me sweet kiddos but it was a busy day.

J. brought me breakfast in bed, coffee & cocoa puffs...it really just doesn't get any better than that!

The kids (& mostly hubby) got me a beautiful Coach bag! Hubby said T's reaction over the bag was "You're gonna get her a purse?" like it was the craziest idea ever. This kid has lived with me for 11 1/2 years now, you would think he had realized my obsession with Coach by now!

We had lunch at my niece's house along with my sister and 2 other nieces and my parents. It was a great time and always so fun to see my adorable great nieces & nephew!

I got in a nice nap this afternoon while hubby installed our new dining room chandelier :) Dinner was out for Chinese, my favorite!

A great day!!

Parenting is SO not easy...

*Sigh*

It's sad to start a blog post with a *sigh* but that is how I feel lately. My husband and I are just not seeing eye to eye on son #3 and it is wearing on me. 

I am #3's step-mom and while I do not like to really use the term "step" I think it is appropriate in this instance. His mom is, for all intents and purposes, pretty much out of the picture so I do the mothering for him. However, he does still biologically and legally have both a mother and a father therefore I do not feel that it is my place to do any serious disciplining or punishing. I feel that I am limited to correcting inappropriate behaviors and taking away small privileges, etc. but that is about the extent. I may be wrong in my beliefs but, it is what it is.

#3 is (IMHO) very hyperactive, to the point that I feel he would benefit from medication. He also has very poor impulse control and somewhat lacking social skills (for a 2nd grader). I am also questioning whether he might have some sort of language processing difficulties, as he often stares blankly when spoken to and has extreme difficulty with reading. He does ok in school academically but not behaviorally. His teacher often sends home notes that "he was asked repeatedly to stop xxxxx and did not" or "he was unable to stay focused on and finish his work today". However, because his grades are ok the school will not intervene.

I have repeatedly tried to convince my husband that we need professional help for #3. I won't say that he doesn't agree but I will say that he is reluctant. His reluctance along with the fact that our medical insurance will not cover any testing or treatment though, pretty much makes him against it. I know we could do all this privately & I have with my 2 (biological) children but I did / do it with financial help from my parents. It is unbelievably expensive & we simply don't have an extra $25K while raising 4 kids. He has agreed to doing family counseling to work on "blending" our family and to individual counseling for #3. However, he does not believe that counseling will accomplish anything.

#3 is an interesting child and I have ZERO experience with this type of personality...punishments & consequences DO NOT BOTHER this child! You can take away his DS, Computer, TV for a week and he just shrugs it off. Send him to his room and he just sits on his bed playing with his pillow. Take away dessert and he says OK and goes off to take a shower. Send him to bed early and he lays down and goes to sleep. We cannot find a punishment / consequence that really gets through to this child...with one exception, spanking.

I do not like spanking. I do not feel like it teaches a child anything constructive in terms of how to change or correct a negative behavior. Have I spanked...yes, a few times. However, for me I realize that the few times I have spanked my (biological) children it was more out of frustration than to teach a lesson. So, I do not do it anymore and I won't do it to my step children. My husband is more "old school" though and believes that a spanking is an appropriate punishment for some behaviors. We have agreed to disagree on this parenting issue and I am ok with that. Where I have the problem though is that since I don't & won't spank #3 and other consequences I can & will enforce have ZERO effect on #3, I am left with absolutely no way to handle this child when his father is not around. It wouldn't be such an issue except that I am home in the afternoon with the children until he gets home from work and there are lots of issues that come up that need some type of consequence.

I don't know what to do anymore. It is exhausting for me and I do not enjoy being around this child. That makes me irritable towards him and everyone else, the other 3 kids & my husband when he gets home. I know not to take this out on them but that is also hard. I am tired. I have been correcting, re-directing, and disciplining for 3-4 hours straight with this kid in addition to homework and regular mom stuff with the other 3 kids. Once he gets home from work I have to make dinner, clean up after dinner, do laundry, get the kids moving on bath and bed, etc. Of course, my husband does help with this stuff...he is very good about sharing home responsibilities so I am not complaining about that at all. But it is still work on top of work on top of {job} work, etc. It is causing arguments between my husband and I. I worry that it is putting a strain on our marriage and that scares me. I feel bad because #3 is not getting a fair chance to shine due to things out of his control but I don't know how to fix that on my own. I know we need professional help on this one but I don't know how we can afford to do it.

I feel a bit like a failure as a parent.

Another dream post...

Do you remember your dreams? Most nights I remember at least bits & pieces of mine. You may recall this, this & this post about my dreams. My husband tells me that he has never remembered a dream. Weird. But, I digress on my husband's weirdness.

Sometimes the crap my brain does really concerns me.

I had the MOST disgusting dream last night.

Lucky for y'all I'm gonna blog about it cause, well, I'm nice that way. Really, it was gross, but I need to write it down because it was so weird and bizarre that it HAS to mean something.

I was younger, before kids I think, and was at the beach where my family goes yearly for vacation. My immediate family was there (parents, siblings, nieces & nephews) but no husband or kids for me. I remember I was wearing a really big t-shirt and my back was itching really bad.

GROSS PART ALERT - here it comes...do not read if you don't want to be grossed out.

All of a sudden I had these big bumps all over my back. Then, the bumps started popping open and these minuscule crab-like creatures started coming out of the bumps and crawling all over me. I was a little freaked out about it (in my dream) but not hysterical like, you know, I would have been in real life.
My mom came over with some kind of medicine and sprayed it on my back to kill these things. The ones that didn't die immediately ran off of me and were going towards the rest of my family. Now, judging from their reactions (in my dream) these things were a) highly contagious b) extraordinarily gross (like I didn't know that already) and c) amazingly dangerous because everyone (ie. family members) started running and screaming.

Then I woke up.

WHAT THE HELL? Dreams generally have some significance, right? It might be a memory from the past, a fear of something, or a cataloging of information, but generally there IS significance. Well, I can promise you that never, ever do I remember things ejecting themselves from my skin nor do I have any recollection of receiving information related to such an event. I will, however, tell you that yes, I do have a fear of this type of situation, I mean, who, in their right mind wouldn't? Not necessarily a fear of it actually happening but more so a fear that if it did happen...well, you can imagine.

So, for the life of me I CANNOT figure out what the significance of this dream could be.

Do I disgust myself?

Do I fear that my family is afraid of me?

Am I certifiably insane?

Any ideas? Wait, do I have any readers left or have you all gone running and screaming away? Maybe that was the significance...that I shouldn't blog about such disgusting stuff!

If you are still here, I will try not to dream such gross stuff anymore, but, if I do, I can't promise that I won't blog about it.

That's just how I roll.

J.

Spring Break

It's spring break for the kiddos this week and they (my 4 kids) are at the beach with their Grandparents!

So, really, that makes it spring break for Mom & Dad too!

A few things that I have noticed this week...

• While the majority of time my kids drive me bat shit crazy with fighting & whining, I truly do not know what to do with my time or myself when they are not here.


• I no longer know how to prepare a meal for 2 therefore we have been forced to eat out a lot.


• I still don't ever mind eating out.


• I miss those little punks like crazy.


• When I am not bat shit crazed from all of the fighting & whining I am actually able to be creative. That is a really nice thing to realize, by the way.


• Mornings are amazingly calm when it is just me that I have to worry about.


• I miss those little punks like crazy.


• I still know how to sleep until noon on the weekend.


• My hubby & I will be the empty nester's eating dinner at 4:30 pm because we don't like to go home from work & then leave again later for dinner. Wait, that is assuming that I never regain my ability to prepare a meal for just 2.


• I miss those little punks like crazy and I can't wait for Saturday evening when they come home!

I have been doing some creative stuff this week and will share pics in the next couple of days. I tried taking photos with my iphone but they just don't turn out as well so I am going to take better photos to post.

So, what have you and your family been doing for Spring Break?

I swear that I do remember that I have a blog!

I have begun to get my creative energy back since the issues with my son in January!

My kids will be out of town all next week so I have nothing but creative time.

A new post AND some creative stuff will be coming soon...I promise!



Julie

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Vintage pictures - Family history

Down the rabbit hole...

I feel a little bit like I have fallen down the rabbit hole
and cannot find my way out.

2 weeks ago my whole world was really smacked in the face with
a rude awakening.

I received a call from school that my 9 yr old son was being
suspended for 2 days because he had put his hands on a teacher in anger.

He has had behavior problems since he was a toddler but
recently they have really been escalating. He is seeing doctors, therapists,
psychologists, everyone and anyone I can think of to possibly help.

Between the time I received the call about his suspension
and I got to the school to pick him up he had threatened to kill himself to the
Asst. Principal.

Now, as schools must do, they had to assess this threat to
determine how serious it was.

He was serious. He had a detailed plan.

This assessment led us to the ER.

The ER led to a mental health assessment.

The mental health assessment led us to hospitalization.
Hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. For my 9 year old.

Let me tell you, hearing that your 9 year old child has
thoughts and plans to end their life is terrifying on its own. But having to
LEAVE your child alone in a psychiatric hospital for several days is about 4
steps beyond terrifying.

It was, without a doubt, the WORST 72 hours of my life.

I was not allowed to see him. I could only speak to him on
the phone once per day for 15 minutes.

I felt totally helpless over my child.

We got a diagnosis for the Psychiatrist while he was at the
hospital, Bi-Polar Disorder.

My initial reaction to this diagnosis was relief and a sense
of “that’s not so bad”. Medication and therapy and he will be just fine, right.

Then I researched Pediatric Bi-Polar Disorder.

Common
outcomes of pediatric bipolar disorder are school refusal, suspension, and
dropping-out; impulsive acts of aggression; self-injury; substance abuse; and
suicide attempts and completions. Teens with symptoms of untreated bipolar
disorder are arrested and incarcerated. Suicide is the third leading cause of
death among teens. Relapses are common even with the best treatment; in
fact, relapse is a hallmark of bipolar disorder. Even with treatment by
professionals, children may need hospitalization or residential treatment. Bipolar
disorder and the medications used to treat it often have a significant impact
on a child's education. Bipolar disorder can affect a child's school
attendance, alertness and concentration, sensitivity to light, noise and
stress, motivation, and energy available for learning. Transitions to new
teachers and new schools, return to school from vacations and absences, and
changing to new medications commonly increase symptoms.

                                                                                    {Reprinted
from bpkids.org}

 

I am scared. Scared for the challenges that face
my son. Scared that he will not get all of the help that he needs and will feel
he needs to do something drastic. Scared that his disorder will cause him to do
things he should not do and that he will have to learn lessons the hard way.
Scared that his life will be marred with difficulties and hardships. Scared
that I will lose him.