My oldest is almost 11.
He is getting to that
age where he doesn't need me as much as he used to need me. It has been
bothering me more that I ever thought that it would.
I remember so many times
when I was tired or frustrated and had to do "one more thing" for him
and I would think to myself "I can't wait until he is older and doesn't
need me as much".
Boy, do I regret that
now.
I am sitting at my desk
right now looking at a couple of pics of my boys together when they were
younger and it is making me cry. I miss them needing me!
Anyhow, lots of thoughts
have been running through my head lately and I am trying to get them planted in
black and white forever.
This is an email that I
sent to my oldest today...
Hey T.
I was thinking last night about that time that you had a tick on
your leg. Remember that? You were really, really scared and freaked out about
it. I handled it really badly with you. I remember that I yelled at you. I feel
really, really bad about that honey, I am so sorry that I treated you so bad.
I don't always know how to be a mom the best way. I always try to
be a mom the best way, but, I know that I make mistakes a lot. Please know that
I am trying my best & learning how to do this daily as we go through life
together. I never, ever, ever want or try to be mean or unfair to you, it's
just that sometimes I don't know the right thing to do.
Unfortunately, as parents, we don't get any lessons on how to do
this right and sometimes our kids have to put up with our mistakes.
I hope that you really, truly know in your heart how much I love
you and how amazingly proud I am of you.
<3 Mom
Sorry for being melodramatic today, just feeling
a bit lost.
