Another dream post...

Do you remember your dreams? Most nights I remember at least bits & pieces of mine. You may recall this, this & this post about my dreams. My husband tells me that he has never remembered a dream. Weird. But, I digress on my husband's weirdness.

Sometimes the crap my brain does really concerns me.

I had the MOST disgusting dream last night.

Lucky for y'all I'm gonna blog about it cause, well, I'm nice that way. Really, it was gross, but I need to write it down because it was so weird and bizarre that it HAS to mean something.

I was younger, before kids I think, and was at the beach where my family goes yearly for vacation. My immediate family was there (parents, siblings, nieces & nephews) but no husband or kids for me. I remember I was wearing a really big t-shirt and my back was itching really bad.

GROSS PART ALERT - here it comes...do not read if you don't want to be grossed out.

All of a sudden I had these big bumps all over my back. Then, the bumps started popping open and these minuscule crab-like creatures started coming out of the bumps and crawling all over me. I was a little freaked out about it (in my dream) but not hysterical like, you know, I would have been in real life.
My mom came over with some kind of medicine and sprayed it on my back to kill these things. The ones that didn't die immediately ran off of me and were going towards the rest of my family. Now, judging from their reactions (in my dream) these things were a) highly contagious b) extraordinarily gross (like I didn't know that already) and c) amazingly dangerous because everyone (ie. family members) started running and screaming.

Then I woke up.

WHAT THE HELL? Dreams generally have some significance, right? It might be a memory from the past, a fear of something, or a cataloging of information, but generally there IS significance. Well, I can promise you that never, ever do I remember things ejecting themselves from my skin nor do I have any recollection of receiving information related to such an event. I will, however, tell you that yes, I do have a fear of this type of situation, I mean, who, in their right mind wouldn't? Not necessarily a fear of it actually happening but more so a fear that if it did happen...well, you can imagine.

So, for the life of me I CANNOT figure out what the significance of this dream could be.

Do I disgust myself?

Do I fear that my family is afraid of me?

Am I certifiably insane?

Any ideas? Wait, do I have any readers left or have you all gone running and screaming away? Maybe that was the significance...that I shouldn't blog about such disgusting stuff!

If you are still here, I will try not to dream such gross stuff anymore, but, if I do, I can't promise that I won't blog about it.

That's just how I roll.

J.

Spring Break

It's spring break for the kiddos this week and they (my 4 kids) are at the beach with their Grandparents!

So, really, that makes it spring break for Mom & Dad too!

A few things that I have noticed this week...

• While the majority of time my kids drive me bat shit crazy with fighting & whining, I truly do not know what to do with my time or myself when they are not here.


• I no longer know how to prepare a meal for 2 therefore we have been forced to eat out a lot.


• I still don't ever mind eating out.


• I miss those little punks like crazy.


• When I am not bat shit crazed from all of the fighting & whining I am actually able to be creative. That is a really nice thing to realize, by the way.


• Mornings are amazingly calm when it is just me that I have to worry about.


• I miss those little punks like crazy.


• I still know how to sleep until noon on the weekend.


• My hubby & I will be the empty nester's eating dinner at 4:30 pm because we don't like to go home from work & then leave again later for dinner. Wait, that is assuming that I never regain my ability to prepare a meal for just 2.


• I miss those little punks like crazy and I can't wait for Saturday evening when they come home!

I have been doing some creative stuff this week and will share pics in the next couple of days. I tried taking photos with my iphone but they just don't turn out as well so I am going to take better photos to post.

So, what have you and your family been doing for Spring Break?

I swear that I do remember that I have a blog!

I have begun to get my creative energy back since the issues with my son in January!

My kids will be out of town all next week so I have nothing but creative time.

A new post AND some creative stuff will be coming soon...I promise!



Julie

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Vintage pictures - Family history

Down the rabbit hole...

I feel a little bit like I have fallen down the rabbit hole
and cannot find my way out.

2 weeks ago my whole world was really smacked in the face with
a rude awakening.

I received a call from school that my 9 yr old son was being
suspended for 2 days because he had put his hands on a teacher in anger.

He has had behavior problems since he was a toddler but
recently they have really been escalating. He is seeing doctors, therapists,
psychologists, everyone and anyone I can think of to possibly help.

Between the time I received the call about his suspension
and I got to the school to pick him up he had threatened to kill himself to the
Asst. Principal.

Now, as schools must do, they had to assess this threat to
determine how serious it was.

He was serious. He had a detailed plan.

This assessment led us to the ER.

The ER led to a mental health assessment.

The mental health assessment led us to hospitalization.
Hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. For my 9 year old.

Let me tell you, hearing that your 9 year old child has
thoughts and plans to end their life is terrifying on its own. But having to
LEAVE your child alone in a psychiatric hospital for several days is about 4
steps beyond terrifying.

It was, without a doubt, the WORST 72 hours of my life.

I was not allowed to see him. I could only speak to him on
the phone once per day for 15 minutes.

I felt totally helpless over my child.

We got a diagnosis for the Psychiatrist while he was at the
hospital, Bi-Polar Disorder.

My initial reaction to this diagnosis was relief and a sense
of “that’s not so bad”. Medication and therapy and he will be just fine, right.

Then I researched Pediatric Bi-Polar Disorder.

Common
outcomes of pediatric bipolar disorder are school refusal, suspension, and
dropping-out; impulsive acts of aggression; self-injury; substance abuse; and
suicide attempts and completions. Teens with symptoms of untreated bipolar
disorder are arrested and incarcerated. Suicide is the third leading cause of
death among teens. Relapses are common even with the best treatment; in
fact, relapse is a hallmark of bipolar disorder. Even with treatment by
professionals, children may need hospitalization or residential treatment. Bipolar
disorder and the medications used to treat it often have a significant impact
on a child's education. Bipolar disorder can affect a child's school
attendance, alertness and concentration, sensitivity to light, noise and
stress, motivation, and energy available for learning. Transitions to new
teachers and new schools, return to school from vacations and absences, and
changing to new medications commonly increase symptoms.

                                                                                    {Reprinted
from bpkids.org}

 

I am scared. Scared for the challenges that face
my son. Scared that he will not get all of the help that he needs and will feel
he needs to do something drastic. Scared that his disorder will cause him to do
things he should not do and that he will have to learn lessons the hard way.
Scared that his life will be marred with difficulties and hardships. Scared
that I will lose him.

The Menu.

With our schedule lately I have started planning our meals weekly and I do my shopping based on that. It really seems to make things easier.

Here is our menu for this week.

Sunday: Chicken & Dumplings

Monday: Roasted Chicken (crockpot), Mashed Potatoes, Veggie

Tuesday: Homemade Pizza

Wednesday: Ribs (crockpot), Roasted Potatoes, Green Beans

Thursday: Sloppy Joes & Tater Tots

Friday: Steak, Mac & Cheese, Veggie

Tuesday: Homemade Pizza

Wednesday: Ribs (crockpot), Roasted Potatoes, Green Beans

Thursday: Sloppy Joes & Tater Tots

Friday: Steak, Mac & Cheese, Veggie

I am blogging this from the road on our way to IKEA. I love my iPhone.

a note to my son.

My oldest is almost 11.

He is getting to that
age where he doesn't need me as much as he used to need me. It has been
bothering me more that I ever thought that it would.

I remember so many times
when I was tired or frustrated and had to do "one more thing" for him
and I would think to myself "I can't wait until he is older and doesn't
need me as much".

Boy, do I regret that
now.

I am sitting at my desk
right now looking at a couple of pics of my boys together when they were
younger and it is making me cry. I miss them needing me!

Anyhow, lots of thoughts
have been running through my head lately and I am trying to get them planted in
black and white forever.

This is an email that I
sent to my oldest today...

Hey T.

I was thinking last night about that time that you had a tick on
your leg. Remember that? You were really, really scared and freaked out about
it. I handled it really badly with you. I remember that I yelled at you. I feel
really, really bad about that honey, I am so sorry that I treated you so bad.

I don't always know how to be a mom the best way. I always try to
be a mom the best way, but, I know that I make mistakes a lot. Please know that
I am trying my best & learning how to do this daily as we go through life
together. I never, ever, ever want or try to be mean or unfair to you, it's
just that sometimes I don't know the right thing to do. 

Unfortunately, as parents, we don't get any lessons on how to do
this right and sometimes our kids have to put up with our mistakes.

I hope that you really, truly know in your heart how much I love
you and how amazingly proud I am of you.

<3 Mom

 Sorry for being melodramatic today, just feeling
a bit lost.